In The Run Up To Christmas

Oh, yes, because it’s now September, and therefore, as far as retail is aware, it is Christmas. Some brave souls (no pun intended) may encompass Halloween, and a few shops will, in the UK, latch on to Bonfire Night (5 November; Guido Fawkes failed to blow up the Houses of Parliament on this day many years ago, possibly making him the best-known failure in the UK!) but really, that’s just a side-show.

We’re all told, aren’t we, that Christmas is a time for giving, for forgiving and for for forgiving… er… well, maybe not the last one, but, in general, we’re just meant to be nicer at Christmas.
But, because that’s quite difficult, we’ve unnofficially added the proviso — we’ll be nicer, but only to our families and friends, and, to make up for this unnecessary expense of emotional energy, we’ll be total bastards to everyone else.

So here is my plea. It’s not feminist, as such. It’s just being nice.

This Christmas, be nice to the people who serve you.
In the pub, in the shops, in restaurents, in hotels, wherever.
Just be nice to them.
So, specially for the twelve days of Christmas, here are the twelve things to remember when shopping:

  1. ” just because I work in retail doesn’t mean I have an IQ of a small glass of stagnant water” — cheers, Sam!
  2. It is not a good idea to antagonise the people you want to serve you; if you piss us off, we will refuse to serve you at all.
  3. Being on the “paying” side of the counter doesn’t make you right.
  4. No, you do not pay my wage.
  5. Actually, we probably do know more than you about what we’re selling.
  6. You are not entitled to any discount simply because you’re a customer.
  7. If you are asking us to do something illegal (serve you medicines, alcohol, out of date food, after six pm on a Sunday) don’t be surprised – or angry – when we say no. We could lose our jobs. And we wouldn’t be taking crap from you unless we needed the money.
  8. Being a whinging git will not improve the speed or quality of service you recieve. And we may spit in your coffee.
  9. We are aware how long you’ve been queueing. No, you haven’t been there “half an hour”. You’ve been there five minutes. Shut the fuck up.
  10. We don’t give a shit who you are. Michael Caine, I’m talking to you. You might have a famous name, but guess what? You still have to pay!
  11. If something goes wrong, it’s probably not the counter monkeys’ fault. They have no authority. If they did, they would be managers.
  12. And, for that real Christmassy feeling – if you wait until Christmas eve before buying presents/ food etc. you are not entitled to complain in any way, shape or form. It’s your own fault!

It’s because people can’t remember these things that I’m desperately trying to avoid going back into retail before January……

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3 Comments on “In The Run Up To Christmas”

  1. Catchpole says:

    yay for Christmas in retail ! im about to enter my 7th

  2. Helen says:

    I agree whole heartedly. Damned pub customers… Although last year I did end up with huge numbers of tips. Yay Christmas!

  3. Sam says:

    at horsham they let me have a mallet….it wasa good day. no one was rude to me .


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