That "time of the month"…Posted: January 2, 2008
…Makes me think about children.
Mainly because my baby-murdering contraceptives have once again prevented me from spawning any.
Which is nice.
I wonder how I’ll be, though, as a mother. If I’ll be. Because, of course, just because I want children doesn’t mean that I’ll get them.
I suspect I’d be a slightly eccentric mother.
For a start, I have a habit of telling hurt children that they’ll “grow another one” if they complain that, say, their toe hurts.
And that the tooth fairy is a total lie, and really it’s a troupe of evil goblins that polish their teeth into highly sophisticated jewellery technology, with which they intend to take over the world.
I say that if you want to make tea, you must first catch your teabag.
I say that “intriguing” is a perfectly ordinary word to teach a three year-old.
When asked by a small child whether I can put their shoes on, my response is usually “they wouldn’t fit me”.
I am incapable of walking through the aisles of “girls’ toys” without snarling incomprehensibly, and wanting to burn it.
I think that teaching my 6 year old brother to air-guitar to Metallica is a great plan.
I think that he should be corrected when he mishears the lyrics.
…. And I think that a big cardboard box is much, much more entertaining to play with than any number of the toys that were packaged inside it.
Luckily, J’s two year old cousin agrees with me on this last theory (especially since the box had contained a chair rather than anything more interesting) and we had great fun crawling around in it!
But enough of such randomness.
Children are great. Shame I couldn’t eat a whole one!