That "time of the month"…

…Makes me think about children.

Mainly because my baby-murdering contraceptives have once again prevented me from spawning any.

Which is nice.

I wonder how I’ll be, though, as a mother. If I’ll be. Because, of course, just because I want children doesn’t mean that I’ll get them.

I suspect I’d be a slightly eccentric mother.
For a start, I have a habit of telling hurt children that they’ll “grow another one” if they complain that, say, their toe hurts.
And that the tooth fairy is a total lie, and really it’s a troupe of evil goblins that polish their teeth into highly sophisticated jewellery technology, with which they intend to take over the world.
I say that if you want to make tea, you must first catch your teabag.
I say that “intriguing” is a perfectly ordinary word to teach a three year-old.
When asked by a small child whether I can put their shoes on, my response is usually “they wouldn’t fit me”.
I am incapable of walking through the aisles of “girls’ toys” without snarling incomprehensibly, and wanting to burn it.
I think that teaching my 6 year old brother to air-guitar to Metallica is a great plan.
I think that he should be corrected when he mishears the lyrics.
…. And I think that a big cardboard box is much, much more entertaining to play with than any number of the toys that were packaged inside it.

Luckily, J’s two year old cousin agrees with me on this last theory (especially since the box had contained a chair rather than anything more interesting) and we had great fun crawling around in it!

But enough of such randomness.
Children are great. Shame I couldn’t eat a whole one!


2 Comments on “That "time of the month"…”

  1. Cruella says:

    You don’t have to have your own biological kids to have an impact. Some mates of mine were at a parents evening the other day when they were informed that their six-year-old had described Saudi Arabia as “a country where women have virtually no rights and aren’t even allowed to drive cars or leave the home without a male member of their family”. They came out going (him) “where the hell did she learn that?”, (her) “Kate came round for coffee last week” (him) “oh ok”… he he!

  2. Rachel says:

    (I know they don’t have to be my spawn, too – my entire teenage years were spent with a baby brother, after all!)

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