Vagina Monologues: Part Two

Now that was a good use of my evening.

I cackled for so long that Lee glanced over in concern, thinking I’d broken myself. No doubt Sam and Emma would recall our trip to TVM, which left me laughing hysterically after one of the monologues ranted about thong underwear. While it was indeed the same monologue that left me in fits of giggles, it was not the thong underwear part – which is scripted – but instead, Jenny Eclair’s ad-libbing.

Roughly, it went something like this:

“Do something nice for vaginas! Let’s make a big pair of comfy cotton knickers – double gusset for extra support – and build in a nice vibrator! Women would be so happy … ‘Delays on the Northern line? I don’t give a fuck!'”

How I wish I’d had those comfy knickers when I lived in London!

A good portion of the evening had a distinctly Northern feel; many of the monologues were recited in a variety of Northern accents, including the elderly lady who in the American original was scripted as having a Jewish accent – and whose boyfriend Andy Lefkov became Andy Lewis, who drove a Morris Minor rather than a Chevy BelAir. It was a nice touch.

Of course, possibly one of the most amusing one-liners of the whole evening has to be the somewhat startling revalation that “we’re reliably informed that here in Sheffield, you call it a ‘spunk satchel’!” And I always thought Sheffield was such a polite place! This closely followed by another ad-lib, this time by Jennifer Ellison, who, in the middle of the ‘hair’ monologue (a tale of a cheating husband who liked women to shave) said indignantly, “I looked like a little girl… He loved it. Fucking perv!”

You know, the Vagina Monologues is so good, and so open to new interpretations, I could go and see it every evening for a week without getting bored. And if only I had all the money in the world, and if only it hadn’t been on for one night only, I probably would!


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