The Cold War Continues…Posted: February 20, 2009
… In my flat, of course.
I’m meant to be doing my coursework but I’ve been trying to finish the last question, without success, for the last hour, and I’m grumpy twice over now.
So I thought I would share my grumpiness with the world.
Evil Flatmate is still trying to pretend that she can’t hear me, which makes life difficult when I address comments specifically to her. She seems to have decided that the best way to deal with it is to grunt. I know she can say real words. That’s how the problems began – by me asking her to please consider the words she was saying, in order to be less racist and horrible. Anyway.
Because this has been rumbling on for so long, things that seem trivial become the most annoying things in the world.
Like the way everybody but me plays Bin Jenga, that exciting pasttime where rubbish is balanced precariously on top of an already-full bin, and the person who has to clear it up loses. Unfortunately, the “cleaning rota” – designed by Her Royal Evilness – had me down to empty the bin. So I’m the only loser. I say “cleaning rota” because it wasn’t a rota, and it didn’t really keep the place clean. I’ve thrown it away now, because it’s stupid and pointless and I swear nobody but me ever followed it properly. In her crazy alternative universe, the sides only needed wiping once a week. Consider the fact that a different flatmate (her Evil Sidekick) puts her condiment-smeared knives down on the sides, and doesn’t clear up the mess and, if you have any sense of cleanliness, you’ll soon be as twitchy as I am.
So, there was that. And then there was the colonisation of the draining boards. There are six of us. It’s a small kitchen. Bear in mind that we don’t share anything – not food, not crockery, nothing – so if you don’t put things away quickly, you clog up the place. The Evil Ones don’t put any of their crockery away. And they leave dirty plates about for days at a time. On the breakfast bar, which is a peice of worksurface at right-angles to the sink, and functions as our only table.
I took to wiping the sides, removing everything clean and dry from the draining boards and leaving them stacked on the side so that I could wash up. Then it occurred to me that this might just be seen as passive-aggression, and it was pretty obvious that it was me doing it. So when I found the Evil Ones together in the kitchen tonight when I came to wash up, and the drainers were full of their (clean, dry) crockery, I thought I’d try to talk to them about it.
And oh, how well it went. Evil Sidekick, being less infected with evil, moved her things when requested. Queen Evil decided that grunting was an acceptable response, and didn’t move, though lots of the things were clearly hers. I explained that I wasn’t moving their crockery specifically to be annoying, but that I wanted to be able to use the draining boards too. This, rather amazingly, provoked an actual verbal response from Queen Evil – but only to ask me why I didn’t just dry my things up straight away, if it bothered me. When I told her that a) I prefer to air-dry my crockery, b) my tea-towels – all two of them – are often not clean, c) I didn’t want to run the risk of breaking anything and d) the draining board was for everybody’s use, not just mine and not just hers, she returned to grunting. Perhaps she felt safer that way. In a kind of, “if all else fails, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through” kind of a way.
I reiterated that I wasn’t doing it to be annoying, they left the kitchen.
I moved all of her pots, stacked them neatly and washed up my things.
I wish I’d just broken her pots. Then I wouldn’t have this problem.